The Really Empty Carb, or Why I Hate Rice Flour

Just in case you are brand spanking new to the world of gluten free foods, I'm going to tell you something that the rest of us discovered in the first 10 minutes of reading labels/recipes; it's basically all made of rice. White rice flour, brown rice flour, sweet rice flour, brown rice syrup, glutinous rice flour, rice starch, there are seemingly endless permutations of rice, but it's all still mainly rice. The problem is that nutritionally and texturally, not to mention satisfaction and flavor wise, rice in baked goods is the king of suck.

Nutrition has so many pretensions to importance these days that we'd better jump in there first, lest we be accused of only attending to pleasure. Compared to wheat flour, brown rice flour has more carbs, less fiber, more sugar, minimal protein, and far less of most nutrients and minerals, yielding more, emptier carbs per cup than the stuff most fashionably GF people are trying to avoid. This is exactly why the GF diet is NOT synonymous with a low carb diet. Far, far from it. If rice flour substitutes are used, baked goods are even carb-ier, less nutrient dense, and generally offer nutritional nada apart from their lack of gluten, which really, from one angle, is just another thing they don't have apart from carbs. Rice flour epitomizes the empty carb.

Unlike white sugar, rice flour can't even redeem itself aesthetically. Sugar at least tastes good. Rice flour tastes like... Nothing. It has no flavor, unless you happen to keep it around too long, at which point it will taste stale. Before you get excited about the possibility of it taking flavor well, like tofu is supposed to do, try to remember how much of the flavor of a slice of bread comes from the grain itself. This lack of flavor is not an asset, it's a void we seek, and generally fail, to fill. GF store bought breads so often taste like nothing but the excessive amount of yeast in them, even when supplemented with "natural flavor" according to the label.

The last, most obvious deficiency of most commercial GF offerings is texture. Anyone who's had the misfortune to open up a package of Glutino's bread can tell you that GF generally means crumbly, dry, either a sandy or gummy mouthfeel, and stuff that's almost edible when warm, but stiff enough to chip a tooth on once cool. Every one of these characteristics is a direct result of the use of rice flour. Imagine for a moment the texture of cold, plain rice: hard, sticky, dry outside, too chewy inside. This is what they are making bread from. Small wonder that it's nearly all texturally revolting.

Add it all up and you've got baked goods with all the health hazards of white sugar or starch, that have horrid textures, and at best taste like an abundance of yeast, all thanks to our pal, rice flour. You may be asking; if it's so bad, then why do so many companies use it to create their GF offerings? Easy, it's CHEAP. Rice flour's only redeeming quality is of course, the one quality that businesses find most appealing. Figures, huh? But it's not good enough for me, either to eat or to cook with.

For anyone out there who's wondered why I never, ever use rice flour in any of my recipes, now you know. Demand more. Skip the rice.

I Blame Gwyneth Paltrow

I was flipping through pictures of our fall on the East coast when I practically tripped over this stupid card. When I first spotted it in the store, I nearly choked on the laugh/gasp/groan/chortle/sigh trying to escape my throat all at once. Not a pretty moment, but an honest one. I was so enthralled/aghast that I immediately had to send a picture to the Hubby. I titled it, "I blame Gwyneth Paltrow." He didn't get it. But I couldn't help reflecting that my own emotional relationship with the whole gluten free fad is... Well, a good mirror of the fad's direct influence on my life as a Celiac. It's a love/hate thing, with an emphasis on a deep running gratitude/resentment struggle, and most days the resentment wins.

The supposed benefits of the fad are conspicuous enough for any know-it-all to point out at a cocktail party, just for fun. It's, " raised awareness," "created a market," and by doing so, led to all the great gluten free choices on the market today. This is where that gratitude I grudge so much comes from. I am truly grateful that there is enough money headed in the right direction to support companies like Aleia's, Bob's Red Mill's GF selection, the amazing GF millet and buckwheat I get from Arrowhead Mills, and all the little substitutes like GF Tamari and yes, even Applegate Farm's GF chicken nuggets when I'm desperate for quick, kid food. But at what price, this luxury?

The fact is, Gwyny can take weekends off. I can't. All those GF-because-it's-oh,-so-hip dollars are buying lax standards and bad attitudes. I, the Celiac, for whom the GF diet was originally contrived for a real medical purpose, now have to call manufacturers, not to ask whether an item is gluten free, but whether it is gluten free enough. I have been poisoned enough times to know that the labeling means very little to a number of manufacturers riding the GF dollar wave. I do realize that legislation will come into effect later this year that will legally define the term "gluten free" but I could, and probably will, write a whole other post on why the new law just isn't strict enough to be useful. And have any of us not had to face the incredulous, "just a little won't hurt," or "god, you're so picky," from the odd relative bearing food or server caught picking croutons out of our salad? And they always follow up with the eye roll/tongue click of annoyance meant to signify that they are only humoring our obnoxious selves when we insist on not eating our own illness. Why? Why are they so convinced that we're just hypochondriacal, uptight, persnickety pains in their rears? Because most people they encounter on a GF diet don't have to be this careful. For the casual GF'er, they're right. A little won't hurt, and making a fuss would be out of line. The prevalence of flippant GF dieting belies the seriousness and depth of real, GF treatable conditions in the public eye and in the bottom lines of food companies. Ms Paltrow is undermining our credibility.

And so, we get public disdain bubbling up as supposedly chic humor. We get this stupid card.

And you know what? It's funny. It hurts. I hate it. And I sure wish those who could, would get back to it and leave us a GF industry that's actually safe for the necessarily gluten free.